Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Dating Dangers: Love's a Minefield

Your parents did it. Guys and gals, rocket scientists, even nuns probably do it, at least once. The topic is dating, and the custom is as old as Adam and Eve.

Dating is the path to love—and that path, as we know, can be a minefield.

We date and we date, but we don't find Mr. or Ms. Right. In fact, we may find someone a lot scarier.

Watch out for these dangers.

Blinded by Chemistry
Face it, finding a great mate takes some research. You're going to go through a lot of people, until you find someone where there is some kinetic thing, some magnetism, some desire to know more.

You're looking for a connection, someone you're physically attracted to—who's physically attracted to you—plus someone who doesn't make you feel bored from the get-go,

Chemistry, mutual interests—that's all great. But don't let the love bug mesmerize you.

There's woman who fell "totally in love" with a man she met online. Six months later, they met. Eventually, he encouraged her to sell her house, pack everything and prepare herself for a new life. Then comes the e-mail saying, "I can't go through with this. I'm sorry, I'm dishonest, I'm married."

You have to be very careful.The dating advice: "You can't change the spots on a leopard."

Dying of Boredom
A date isn't a therapy session. Don't ramble about lost loves or your personal problems too much.At the beginning, your dates don't need to know about your insecurities, your dead-en

Getting Cynical
Sure, dating can be frustrating, even disillusioning. But don't let it get you down. If you're feeling negative, you'll scare off the good ones. Get out, meet people, and be open to new people and new experiences. You'll meet someone. After all, dating is a process of elimination—you just haven't met the right one yet.

Some people are much more rigid or sure about what they want. They don't want to make the same stupid mistakes. But feeling jaded, that's a self-invented problem. There are many good people out there. If you have a 50-item list of criteria, if you're too specific about what you want, too rigid, you're going to find yourself alone forever.

The dating advice: Look beyond the bald head and other imperfections. "Have an open, optimistic mind. You've got to have enthusiasm, imagination. There's matured woman who thought she wanted an intellectual. But she met a layman and is having a great time! When people say they're cynical, jaded, they're really scared of having to change a little bit.

Keep a good attitude about your past. When people get divorced, they forget the good stuff about that relationship, and it undermines their confidence. It's all about attitude. You have to feel proud of yourself, feel good about yourself, happy to meet people. If you think they all have to be the love of your life, you're going to be unhappy.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

How to Break Up Gracefully

There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but some are better than others. Learn the dos and don'ts of ending a romantic relationship.

It's not you, it's me…or is it?

Just about all of us have heard—or even said—this line as a way of ending a romantic relationship. The problem is that it often leaves the dumpee thinking the exact opposite.

But is there really a way to make a clean and honest break? Is it ever okay to lie when ending a romantic relationship? Can you IM him or her that it's over, or do you have to do it in person? Is it really possible to be friends with your ex after a breakup?

WebMD went to the experts to get the best breakup advice ever. Read this before you even think of uttering another clichéd breakup line or texting the bad news to your soon-to-be ex.

All Relationships Are Not Created Equal
"The nature of how to handle a breakup has to do with how you experience a relationship," says New York City-based psychoanalyst and psychotherapist Janice Lieberman, PhD, who specializes in relationship issues.

For starters, she says, not every relationship deserves a dramatic breakup. There are no hard and fast rules about what constitutes a relationship. "There are people who think they have a relationship with two dates and people who don't think they are in a relationship after 20 dates," she says. "If you have gone on one or two or three dates, not calling is breaking up, but after some kind of romantic and sexual encounters, it is a courtesy to call," Lieberman tells WebMD. "Sometimes it's easier not to call, and there are people who will just run away."

Don't Break Up Over E-mail
The tabloids widely reported that pop star Britney Spears broke up with her now-ex-husband Kevin Federline via a text message. But text messages, e-mails or other high-tech message delivery systems are not the best medium for ending a romantic relationship.

Social networking sites, including MySpace and Facebook, allow users to post comments on one another's pages, but they should never be used to end a romantic relationship. Nor should websites like Breakup Butler, which delivers several types of prerecorded breakup messages ranging from let-them-down-easy to downright mean.

"If it's a casual encounter, a text message is okay. But to my mind, it's better to call and speak or go out to dinner,".

"The news of a breakup should never be broken over text or e-mail," says Alison Arnold, PhD, a therapist in Phoenix who is also known as "Doc Ali," the life coach on the VH1 series Scott Baio Is 45…and Single. "Texting a breakup is the coward's way out,"

Stick to the Relationship Facts
"Face-to-face or phone contact is a must," Arnold says. "It's important to give the person with whom you are ending the relationship the chance to ask questions and feel the sentiment underneath the words."

Be as direct and honest as you can, she advises. "Don't engage in tit-for-tat arguments. Stick to the facts: 'It's not working, it's no one's fault, we need to make a change.'"

Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
Whether two people can remain friends after a breakup depends on the two people and their feelings about the end of the relationship.

"If someone is very much in love—and [then] broken up with—and forever trying to get back with that person, then having a platonic relationship does not work," Lieberman says. "If you are still in love with the person and want them back, the best thing to do is go cold turkey."

While many a jilted lover claims to seek closure by going back just one more time after a breakup, such closure is a "fantasy or a hope," Lieberman says.

"If in your heart of hearts you really want to get back together, the best thing to do if the other person is not into it is to get out of it," she says.

Arnold agrees. "Do take at least eight weeks with no contact. No phone. No 'let's get together for coffee.' No nothing," she says. "You need time to detox and get in touch with yourself again."

Talking every day as "friends" is also a no-no. "That just keeps the wounds and hope open and working," Arnold says. "Don't keep calling to 'check in,' hear how his or her day was or if the dog ate his dinner. Cut the cord in all ways."

Another no-no? Breakup sex, she says.


Prescription for Healing After the Relationship Ends
"Do learn from each relationship," Arnold says. "Write down five things you appreciated about this relationship that you would like to have in the next one and five things you would not like to create next time."

Instead of stalking your ex or making up excuses to call or see him or her, "keep yourself busy with new activities, old friends and healthy distractions," Arnold says.

"Don't get right into a new relationship, she advises. "Don't medicate your sadness with a new person. It isn't fair to either of you."

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Red Flags in Dating??

Is today's society relationship challenged? There are two kinds of commitment phobia: the active, in which the person is aware of the issue, and the passive. "The latter reveals itself by dating the wrong person in the first place … thereby sabotaging the relationship before it even begins.

Highlights red flags and what to look out for in a relationship:

* He flirts overtly with women—even when you're with him—and says it's harmless.
* He is someone who wants to be taken care of. He's looking for a mommy, or she's looking for a sugar daddy!
* He tends to shut down and won't communicate.
* She is jealous of time you spend with your friends or limits your access to your friends.
* He has a terrible temper. He yells, doesn't apologize and blames you for it. He says he would stop if you wouldn't provoke him.

In order to avoid dealing with these red-flag situations, look for the following values in your significant other,

* Are you attracted to him?
* Does she have a good heart?
* Does he have the capacity to put other people before himself and empathize with another person's plight?
* Does she share your core values? If not, does she at least harbor other fundamental core convictions?
* Does he understand that a relationship is the ability for two people to cater the needs of each other (even if they do not understand each other)?


"Many people today are passive commitment-phobic. They date the wrong person at the outset, thereby sabotaging the relationship before it even begins. When it comes to choosing a spouse, attraction and compatibility are, of course, vital. But nothing is more important than good character."

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

New Fashion‏

What you see below
are not see-thru skirts.
They are actually prints on the skirts to make it look as if the panties are visible
And these are the current rage in Japan ..
so don't have a heart attack when the rage

reaches here.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS???????!!!!!




Monday, January 12, 2009

Live your best life

"Carpe diem! Rejoice while you are alive; enjoy the day; live life to the fullest; make the most of what you have. It is later than you think." ~ Horace

"This life is yours. Take the power to choose what you want to do and do it well. Take the power to love what you want in life and love it honestly. Take the power to walk in the forest and be a part of nature. Take the power to control your own life. No one else can do it for you. Take the power to make your life happy." ~ Susan Polis Schutz

"One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering." ~ Unknown

"One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching." ~ Unknown

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

A Happier You By Eckhart Tolle

The greatest goal you can set this year is to make peace with your life, no matter your circumstances. These 10 powerful insights from Eckhart Tolle will get you started.
Oneness with All Life by Eckhart Tolle

1. Don't seek happiness. If you seek it, you won't find it, because seeking is the antithesis of happiness. Happiness is ever elusive, but freedom from unhappiness is attainable now, by facing what is rather than making up stories about it.

2. The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral, which always is as it is. There is the situation or the fact, and here are my thoughts about it. Instead of making up stories, stay with the facts. For example, "I am ruined" is a story. It limits you and prevents you from taking effective action. "I have 50 cents left in my bank account" is a fact. Facing facts is always empowering.

3. See if you can catch the voice in your head, perhaps in the very moment it complains about something, and recognize it for what it is: the voice of the ego, no more than a thought. Whenever you notice that voice, you will also realize that you are not the voice, but the one who is aware of it. In fact, you are the awareness that is aware of the voice. In the background, there is the awareness. In the foreground, there is the voice, the thinker. In this way you are becoming free of the ego, free of the unobserved mind.

4. Wherever you look, there is plenty of circumstantial evidence for the reality of time—a rotting apple, your face in the bathroom mirror compared with your face in a photo taken 30 years ago—yet you never find any direct evidence, you never experience time itself. You only ever experience the present moment.

5. Why do anxiety, stress, or negativity arise? Because you turned away from the present moment. And why did you do that? You thought something else was more important. One small error, one misperception, creates a world of suffering.

6. People believe themselves to be dependent on what happens for their happiness. They don't realize that what happens is the most unstable thing in the universe. It changes constantly. They look upon the present moment as either marred by something that has happened and shouldn't have or as deficient because of something that has not happened but should have. And so they miss the deeper perfection that is inherent in life itself, a perfection that lies beyond what is happening or not happening. Accept the present moment and find the perfection that is untouched by time.

7. The more shared past there is in a relationship, the more present you need to be; otherwise, you will be forced to relive the past again and again.

8. Equating the physical body with "I," the body that is destined to grow old, wither, and die, always leads to suffering. To refrain from identifying with the body doesn't mean that you no longer care for it. If it is strong, beautiful, or vigorous, you can appreciate those attributes—while they last. You can also improve the body's condition through nutrition and exercise. If you don't equate the body with who you are, when beauty fades, vigor diminishes, or the body becomes incapacitated, this will not affect your sense of worth or identity in any way. In fact, as the body begins to weaken, the light of consciousness can shine more easily.

9. You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you and allowing that goodness to emerge.

10. If peace is really what you want, then you will choose peace.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Extraordinary!!

-She attends her class

The smiling crippled girl
Qian HongYan lost her legs in an accident

Her family in China are poor and couldn't afford false legs, so she uses a basketball to help her move.
Qian uses two wooden props to drag herself, and never complains, even though she has worn t! hrough six basketballs.


<

She always smiles







she encourages a crippled boy with a smile

smile always

never complain

be gratefull with what you have

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Stretches you can do in your office


Back stretch
You'll feel this stretch along your mid- and lower back muscles.

Sit forward in your chair so that there's a little room between your back and the back of the chair.
Face forward and cross your right leg over your left.
Put your left hand on your right knee, and gently pull toward your left side while slowly turning your head and shoulders to the right. Keep turning until you see the wall behind your right shoulder. Don't force the turn — go just until you feel a nice stretch in your back. Hold for eight to 10 seconds.
Relax and repeat on the other side.

Always be careful not to overstretch. These gentle moves should feel good — never painful.


Shoulder shrug
The shoulder shrug targets tight neck, shoulder and upper back muscles.

Slowly bring your shoulders up toward your ears. Hold for three seconds.
Then, roll your shoulders back and down.
Relax and repeat five to 10 times.

Chin tuck
The chin tuck also loosens stiff neck and shoulder muscles.

Start facing straight ahead.
Keeping your back straight, pull your chin toward your chest until you feel a stretch along the back of your neck. Hold for 10 to 15 seconds.
Relax, return to your starting position and repeat

Head turn
To stretch the muscles along the side and back of your neck and at the top of your back, start facing forward.

Slowly turn your head and look to one side until your chin is parallel with your shoulder. Be sure to keep your shoulders straight ahead. Hold for three seconds.
Repeat the same steps on the other side.
Drop your chin gently to your chest before returning to the upright starting position.
Repeat all steps five times.


Side neck stretch
To stretch the muscles along the side of your neck, face forward and look straight ahead.

Tilt your head toward one side, gently pushing your ear toward your shoulder. Hold for 15 seconds.
Lift your head into a normal, upright position.
Relax, and repeat three times on each side.


Chest stretch
This stretches the muscles of your chest, upper back and the back of your neck.

Lace your fingers together behind your head, bringing your elbows back as far as possible.
Inhale deeply and lean back until you feel your muscles stretching. Hold for 20 seconds.
Exhale, relax and repeat.

Arm and shoulder stretch
Press your hands away from your body to stretch your arms and shoulders.

Lace your fingers together and turn your palms facing out.
Straighten your arms in front of you. Hold for 15 seconds.
Relax and repeat.

Back scratch
It may look like you're scratching your back, but you're really stretching the back of your arm.

Reach behind your head and place your hand on your upper back, keeping your arm close to your ear.
Gently hold your elbow with your opposite hand.
Pull your elbow toward the back of your head and reach your hand toward the middle of your back until you feel a gentle stretch. Hold for 15 seconds.
Relax, and repeat on the other side.


Finger stretch
Working hard at your desk? To avoid getting sore and worn out, try a stretch break. If you spend lots of time clutching a pen or typing on a keyboard, start with the finger stretch.

Separate and straighten your fingers until you feel a stretch, keeping your hand in alignment with your wrist (left). Hold for 10 seconds.
Next, bend the end and middle knuckles of your fingers (right), keeping your hand and wrist in the same position. Hold for 10 seconds.
Then, relax.