An Arab student sends an e-mail to his dad, saying:
>
>
>
>Dear Dad
>
>Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad, I am a
>bit ashamed to arrive
>
>at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB
>when all my teachers and many fellow students
>travel by train.
>
>Your son, Nasser
>
>The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail
>from his dad:
>
>My dear loving son
>
>Twenty million US Dollar has just been transferred
>to your account. Please stop embarrassing us.
>Go and get yourself a train too.
>
>Love, your Dad
>
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Have a few laughs......
HE : Can I buy you a drink?
SHE : Actually I'd rather have the money.
HE : I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE : I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.
HE : Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE : Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.
HE : How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE : I must've been given your share.
HE : Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE : Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.
HE : Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE : And your face must turn a few stomachs.
HE : Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE : Okay, get out.
HE : I think I could make you very happy.
SHE : Why? Are you leaving?
HE : What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE : Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.
HE : Can I have your name?
SHE : Why? Don't you already have one?
HE : Shall we go see a movie?
SHE : I've already seen it.
HE : Where have you been all my life?
SHE : Hiding from you.
HE : Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE : Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.
HE : Is this seat empty?
SHE : Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
HE : So, what do you do for a living?
SHE : I'm a female impersonator.
HE : Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE : Do not enter.
HE : Your body is like a temple.
SHE : Sorry, there are no services today.
HE : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE : If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
SHE : Actually I'd rather have the money.
HE : I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE : I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.
HE : Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE : Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.
HE : How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE : I must've been given your share.
HE : Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE : Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.
HE : Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE : And your face must turn a few stomachs.
HE : Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE : Okay, get out.
HE : I think I could make you very happy.
SHE : Why? Are you leaving?
HE : What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE : Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.
HE : Can I have your name?
SHE : Why? Don't you already have one?
HE : Shall we go see a movie?
SHE : I've already seen it.
HE : Where have you been all my life?
SHE : Hiding from you.
HE : Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE : Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.
HE : Is this seat empty?
SHE : Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
HE : So, what do you do for a living?
SHE : I'm a female impersonator.
HE : Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE : Do not enter.
HE : Your body is like a temple.
SHE : Sorry, there are no services today.
HE : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE : If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Women?..Ugh.!!...
Yesterday I was having some work done at the workshop. A woman came in and asked for a 'seven-hundred- ten'.
We all looked at each other, and the mechanic asked, "What is a seven-hundred- ten?"
She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine. I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there."
The mechanic gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710 !!
He then took her over to another car which had the hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?"
She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there."
Now go to the photo below to learn what a 710 is..........
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Women ? The mechanic fainted!! J
We all looked at each other, and the mechanic asked, "What is a seven-hundred- ten?"
She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine. I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there."
The mechanic gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710 !!
He then took her over to another car which had the hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?"
She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there."
Now go to the photo below to learn what a 710 is..........
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Women ? The mechanic fainted!! J
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Wrong Mail Indentity......
A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his
room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.
However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and
without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile... .Somewhere in Houston , a widow had just
returned from her husband's funeral.
The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence
messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she fainted. The
widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on
the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
> To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've reached
Date: 16 Mar 2008
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have
computers here, and we
are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.
I've just reached and have been checked in.
I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival
tomorrow.
Looking forward to see you TOMORROW!
room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.
However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and
without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile... .Somewhere in Houston , a widow had just
returned from her husband's funeral.
The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence
messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she fainted. The
widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on
the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
> To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've reached
Date: 16 Mar 2008
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have
computers here, and we
are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.
I've just reached and have been checked in.
I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival
tomorrow.
Looking forward to see you TOMORROW!
Monday, March 16, 2009
This is what you call funny and stupid...
This is what bad spelling is like....
This is what sorry really looks like.....
This is what helplessness looks like....
Is this not what you call funny and stupid??....
Sunday, March 15, 2009
The blunders caught in these photos..
Wow! In those days,... Adidas? Hmmm....
Bows, arrows, ... and cellphones in the olden days...
Hmmm.... aero planes in the Trojan War?
You need to hold the trigger to shoot someone or...?
Old movie. New watch? Watch it out!
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
WOMAN GOES TO WORK AFTER MANY YEARS
Hi All
This clip is hilarious…….
A typist goes back to work after many years.......
Video is only 4 seconds long so watch carefully.
If you're younger than 40 years, you won't understand the clip!
This clip is hilarious…….
A typist goes back to work after many years.......
Video is only 4 seconds long so watch carefully.
If you're younger than 40 years, you won't understand the clip!
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Letter to ask for a raise
How to ask your Boss for a salary increase..?
One day an employee sends a letter to Her boss asking for an increase in her salary!!!
Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely,
Marian $hih
The next day, the employee received this letter of reply:
Dear Marian
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.
NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.
I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.
Yours truly,
Manager
One day an employee sends a letter to Her boss asking for an increase in her salary!!!
Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely,
Marian $hih
The next day, the employee received this letter of reply:
Dear Marian
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.
NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.
I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.
Yours truly,
Manager
Friday, February 13, 2009
Humourous way of answering stupid question
STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS:
BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".
7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".
8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".
11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."
12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".
7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".
8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".
11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."
12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
The perfect treatment......
A doctor has some urgent matter coming up. He calls his orderly, Kapal, and tells him "Kapal, I have to go off for the afternoon, we don't want to close the clinic, can you take care of our patients ?"
"Yes, sir......" answers Kapal.
The doctor returns the next day and asks: "So Kapal, how did it go ?"
Kapal tells him he took care of 3 patients. "The first one had a headache so I gave him PANADOL."
"Nice one Kapal, and the second one?" asks the doctor.
"The second one had fever and I gave him PANADOL, sir" says Kapal.
" Bravo Kapal, and what about the third one?" asks the doctor.
"Sir, it was almost 5 pm . I was about to close. Suddenly the door opened and a woman entered like flame, she undressed herself, taking off her bra and her panty, and lied down on the table and shouted :
HELP ME !!!? I have not seen any man for 5 years !!! "
" . . . . .? and what did you do, Kapal?" the doctor gets very curious. " Not Panadol, but an injection I believe."
No sir......" answers Kapal. " I can't do that, it won't solve the problem. I give her exactly what she needs !
Scroll down for the perfect treatment :
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Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Funny how those Japanese usuage of English
Shud consider doing business with this Co
Fancy a MP3 PRAYER
MEANING OF SOLD OUT??
Their mags need refrigeration....
The even advertise their price hike...
The best so far....
U will need a smoke after reading this
They even have a room for this...
"L" is substituted with "R" ... and this is what happens!!!
U jump on the Elevator = Jail ?
This is better than Singapore. They can contruct their own WATER.....
Cheese Fair or 'Afraid of Cheese'
BRING YOUR OWN TOILET TISSUE..I THINK!
Maybe in Japan, there are Males who are not 'Man'
Very difficult to make up what it is about ?
Fancy a MP3 PRAYER
MEANING OF SOLD OUT??
Their mags need refrigeration....
The even advertise their price hike...
The best so far....
U will need a smoke after reading this
They even have a room for this...
"L" is substituted with "R" ... and this is what happens!!!
U jump on the Elevator = Jail ?
This is better than Singapore. They can contruct their own WATER.....
Cheese Fair or 'Afraid of Cheese'
BRING YOUR OWN TOILET TISSUE..I THINK!
Maybe in Japan, there are Males who are not 'Man'
Very difficult to make up what it is about ?
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